Like A Married Couple
by AlisaPhenom
Summary: A few Valduggery drabbles and one-shots. Angsty, fluffy, funny... whatever suits my mood. Enjoy. Rated T because of my paranoia.
1. Birthday

'Skulduggery.'

No reply.

'Skulduggery...'

No reply.

'Skulduggery!'

No reply.

'Oh, fine. That's how you want to play it, then.'

Silence was her only answer.

'Skul.'

Nothing.

'Skul-Man.'

Silence.

'Funny Bones.'

No noise came from the skeleton.

'Fine. I suppose you _want _me to wreck the Bentley.'

And there it was. A twitch of his bony fingers made her smile smugly, and so she continued.

'It's such a shame. We both loved that car, didn't we? So many good memories. But, I suppose, it's not important to you any more... if you'll excuse me, then. I guess I have some work to do. Should I start with the paint, or the seats? Maybe I should smash all the windows first...'

There was another second of silence, and then Skulduggery spoke, his tone low and threatening. 'If you dare touch my Bentley, Valkyrie Cain, you will regret it.'

Valkyrie rolled her eyes. 'Great threat. Original.'

'I mean it.'

'I'm sure you do.' She smiled patronizingly, reaching over to give him a light pat on the skull. 'Are you going to listen to me now?'

'No.' He folded his arms and looked away. 'I'm angry with you.'

She snorted. 'Please. Alice sulks better than you.'

'I'm not sulking.'

'Baby.'

His skull snapped back to look at her. He was probably glaring, actually, but it made no difference to Valkyrie, since he had no eyes with which to glare anyway. 'You're younger than me,' he pointed out.

'And yet you act like a child.'

He muttered something.

'I'm sorry, would you like to repeat that?'

'I would, but I don't think you'd be happy if I did.'

'You're probably right.' She nodded. 'You know you love me. Anyway, I need to tell you something.'

He sighed. 'I couldn't tell.'

She beamed and nudged him in the side. 'Are you listening?'

'I have been listening for the past twelve and a half minutes. It's not my fault you chose to waste both of our time by saying nothing of importance in that space of time.'

She scowled. 'I hate you.'

'Is that all you wanted to tell me?'

'I've actually wanted to say that for a while now,' she muttered. 'But no, there's something else.'

He made a waving gesture with his gloved hand. 'Go on, then.'

Valkyrie let an excited grin spread across her face. 'It's my birthday in three days.'

'I know.'

'Aren't you excited?'

'Why would I be excited?' he asked. She pouted, and he chuckled. 'Don't pout. It's not attractive in a woman your age.'

'I'm forty years old, with the appearance of a twenty year-old. And you can't say anything about looks, Bone Bag.'

'You're nearly forty one,' he murmured.

'We're getting off subject,' she snapped impatiently. She'd never liked the subject of her age. 'What present are you getting me?'

'Aren't you slightly old for presents?'

'You're never too old for presents. _You _get presents.'

'Only because you refuse to let any birthday go uncelebrated.'

She smiled. 'You love me, though.'

He paused, then nodded. 'That's true.'

'That's why you married me.'

'It is.'

Her smile shifted into a smirk, and she reached out to slip her hand under his shirt collar and tap the two tattoos etched into his collarbone. Immediately, waxy skin flowed over his skull. He had thick brown her and dull green eyes. Valkyrie leaned forward to kiss the lips that were finally on his face, and he responded enthusiastically.

'Does this count as a present?' he murmured around her mouth.

'No.'


	2. Comfort

'_Get out_!'

Valkyrie's throat was sore from screaming the same two words at Fletcher for a good fifteen minutes now, but she didn't stop. '_Get out, get out, get out_!'

He backed towards towards the door, but he didn't leave. 'Val, please,' he said pleadingly, looking like he was torn between staying to explain everything and running for his life. Honestly, Valkyrie was surprised that he didn't do the latter; she certainly hoped that she'd done a good job of scaring him away so far, with her screaming and her fire-throwing and her strangling. 'Let me explain-'

'_Get out_!'

'_Fine_!' He finally gave up. He looked fairly annoyed about it, but the spark of regret and possibly guilt was still in his eyes. 'Fine! I'll go!'

She looked away and said nothing, and Fletcher walked out of her bedroom door. She was still staring at the wall, blinking back the frustrated tears that threatened to fall, when she heard someone else enter her bedroom.

'I'm not in the mood, Skulduggery,' she said flatly. 'Go away.'

He didn't leave. What was it with people not doing what she told them to do lately? Was it really so hard to just leave her room when she asked? 'Do you want to talk about it?' the skeleton asked gently.

Valkyrie shook her head. 'Nothing to talk about.'

Skulduggery made a faint noise of disbelief. 'Valkyrie, I was sat in the Bentley, _outside_, and I heard you.'

She said nothing.

'Valkyrie, look at me.'

The wall became more and more fascinating to look at with every passing second.

'Valkyrie.' His velvety voice was closer now, and a bony hand had its fingers placed on her chin. He turned her face to look at him, the action as gentle as his voice. 'Tell me what happened.'

'If you heard everything, you already know,' she said bitterly.

He nodded. 'I do. Are you okay?'

'And the award for the year's stupidest question goes to...'

'I'll take that as a no.'

'Your detective skills astound me sometimes.'

He sighed, but he sounded amused. 'You get more sarcastic with every passing day.'

She shrugged, giving him a small smirk. 'I learn it from the best.'

He let go of her chin, but she didn't move her head back. They stayed in a comfortable silence for another few moments before Skulduggery spoke again. 'I'm still waiting for you to talk about it, just to let you know. Take your time, but... hurry up.'

She rolled her eyes. 'What's there to talk about? Fletcher cheated on me, I flipped out, he left and we all lived happily ever after without him. Except not really.'

Skulduggery was silent for a second, then he pointed out, 'You've cheated on him before, too.'

'Yeah, but he cheated on me _first_.'

'You didn't know that.'

'I do _now_.' Valkyrie glared at him, annoyed. 'Whose side are you on?'

'Yours, of course.' He patted her shoulder lightly. 'Even if you did the worst thing in the entire world and everyone else wasn't, I'd be on your side, Valkyrie. I'm always on your side.'

She smiled and raised an eyebrow. 'You're getting soft, old man.'

'Not soft, ju-' He paused. 'Oh, you're right. Well, then, I take it back. You're wrong, and Fletcher's wrong, and everyone who isn't me is wrong. Now excuse me while I go and kill some puppies and small children.'

'Is it weird that I find your dark humour more comforting than your actual attempts at comforting me?'

'Most probably.'

She grinned, then sighed. 'I overreacted, didn't I?'

'Considering that you were angry at him for doing the same thing that you did to him several years ago... yes, you did.'

'But... that's not the _point_. He was cheating on me before I started cheating on him. He was cheating on me practically the day after we started the relationship. And hey, at least _I _owned up about it because I felt guilty. It's been four years since we got together, and we only just got back, and the only reason he owned up and apologized is because I _found out_.'

'Ah,' Skulduggery said, nodding. 'In that case, you didn't overreact at all. Would you like me to punch Fletcher in the face?'

The grin returned to her face. 'Yes, please.'

'Would you like me to kill him instead of the puppies and small children?'

'Yes, please. I just couldn't bear to see those puppies hurt.'

He chuckled, and suddenly her arms were wrapped around him in a warm hug. He hesitated for a moment before returning the hug, his arms sliding around her back and patting her gently.

'Thank you,' she whispered into his shoulder.

He didn't say anything, and so neither did she. They just stood there, appreciating the warmth of the embrace and enjoying the moment while it lasted.


	3. Wedding

'I can't do this,' Valkyrie muttered to herself as she stared at her reflection in the mirrow. 'I can't do this, I can't do this, I can't do this. I can't-'

'_Valkyrie_,' Tanith snapped impatiently from somewhere behind her, and Valkyrie moved her gaze miserably from her own reflection to the blonde's. 'Just calm down already, yeah? Stop freaking out. You're making me nervous, and I've already gone through this.'

Valkyrie made a faint noise of distress somewhere in the back of her throat. 'Tanith, this is- I mean, look at me!'

'I'm looking.'

'I just- I- you- I'm wearing a bloody _bridal gown_, Tanith! I'm about to get married! This is- I can't do it, Tanith!' She started panting lightly, but quickly caught herself and took a single deep breath. In, and out. Zen. Calm. Cool.

Marriage. Disaster. Skulduggery. Wife. Vows. Dress.

Valkyrie's head fell into her hands and she groaned.

Almost immediately, she felt a hand pulling her head upwards, and Tanith scolded, 'If you dare ruin my pristine make-up job, Valkyrie Cain, I will stain that pretty white dress of yours red with your own blood.'

'Right now, I'd be the one paying you to kill me,' the dark-haired woman muttered unhappily as she looked back to her reflection.

Okay, so she hadn't been this panicked ten minutes ago, when she was appreciating what a fabulous job Tanith had done as her stylist- appreciating how good she looked with her hair pulled back, appreciating how tricky it must have been for Tanith to free those few specific curls and make them frame Valkyrie's face just so, appreciating how a little bit of mascara, eyeliner and lipstick went a long way. But now? Now that she was realising just what she was about to commit to, just who she was about to commit to, and just how big this day actually was... well, it was safe to say that she was close to total panic mode.

She just knew that she'd trip when walking down the aisle. She wasn't usually clumsy or nervous, but fate would probably make an exception for her just this once. She also knew that she'd probably forget what to say in the vows- even if she was just repeating someone else's words.

'Valkyrie, listen to me,' Tanith said, taking on a soothing tone now and rubbing comforting circles into Valkyrie's back. 'You'll be fine. Better than fine, in fact. You may be scared now, and that's perfectly understandable, but when you get out there, and you see him waiting for you down that aisle- Valkyrie, this is going to be the best day of your life.'

Valkyrie paused, then groaned. 'Unless I screw it up.'

'How could you possibly screw it up?'

Valkyrie shot the other woman an acidic look, saying, 'Would you like me to list the twenty four possible ways in which Valkyrie Cain could mess up her wedding day? Or would you like to just rest in the knowledge that, trust me, I can?'

'Valkyrie,' Tanith said with a heavy sigh. 'Look at yourself. You're beautiful. You're eternally young. You have the muscle structure of a Goddess- or, if you're lucky, of me. You've saved the world more times than I've gotten up on time, and waiting for you out there is a man who loves you more than the world itself. You're wearing the most beautiful wedding dress that the Sanctuary's money can buy, and _everything is going to be fine_. Now, repeat after me- I am Valkyrie Cain,'

Valkyrie sighed, then obediently repeated, 'I am Valkyrie Cain.'

'I am great.'

A smile quirked at her lips. 'I am great.'

'And I'm not going to trip up down the aisle.'

'I'm not going to trip up down the aisle.'

'Or lose my footing, or forget my vows, or accidentally punch someone in the face, or anything else that could screw this day up.'

'Or lose my footing, or forget my vows, or accidentally punch someone in the face, or anything else that could screw this day up.' Valkyrie took a deep breath and let a smile stretch across her face. 'I _am_ great, aren't I?'

Tanith nodded enthusiastically. 'Oh, you're the best.'

'And I _am_ beautiful.'

'With an endearing narcissistic charm about you, yes.'

Valkyrie gave her friend a full-blown grin now. 'And I'm going to blow the socks off of everyone at this wedding.'

'Yes- including the groom. And considering that he already thinks you're God's gift to the earth itself... well, the poor man won't have any socks left by the end of today.'

'Who needs socks anyway?' Valkyrie beamed, then hugged Tanith. 'Thank you,' she murmured into her friend's hair.

'No problem,' Tanith replied, before pulling away and smirking. 'Now, you'd better get out there. Within the hour, you're going to be a married woman. Don't want to be late for that.' Tanith gave her a gentle shove towards the door, and Valkyrie had to go through various breathing techniques to keep the nerves down before plastering a warm smile on her face and opening the door.

She stepped out onto the aisle, and she walked, and she smiled and she met people's eyes and she managed to fulfill the role of blushing bride rather successfully, if she did say so herself. And then she stepped up to the altar, to her soon-to-be-husband, to her one true love and first best friend. She'd been saving her widest smile for him, and she offered it him now.

Skulduggery's façade beamed back at her, and Valkyrie had to resist the urge to kiss the annoying bugger of a skeleton full on the lips right then.

'You look beautiful,' he murmured quietly to her.

She smirked. 'Not so bad yourself,' she retorted, and then the service began.

The wedding went as wedding generally did- slightly corny, slightly overdone, with a more than slightly surreal feel to the whole process. But it was nice, and it was effective, and it was only a matter of time before the whole point of the damned thing came to pass.

'Skulduggery Pleasant. Do you take Valkrie Cain as your lawfully wedded wife-'

'Yes, yes, yes and yes,' he interrupted smoothly in that delightful voice of his. 'I do.'

The priest didn't bother to look affronted. He probably got this from magical couples a lot. He merely continued, 'And I assume you, Valkyrie Cain, take Skulduggery Pleasant as your lawfully wedded husband, and promise to love him and-'

'Yup,' Valkyrie said with a smirk. 'I do.'

'Then I now pronounce you man and wife.' He raised an eyebrow at Skulduggery. 'You may now kiss the bride.'

Skulduggery didn't waste time in doing so. He even went the whole hog, dipping her low so that her veil brushed the floor, not breaking the kiss- or, rather, snog- for a good ten seconds before the priest cleared his throat and they reluctantly parted.

Dazedly, Valkyrie registered the sounds of clapping and some cheering. She stared at Skulduggery and felt the smile break out on her face. This was it. Valkyrie Cain was a married woman now- Valkyrie Pleasant, technically, although there was no way in hell that she was changing her last name to Pleasant. It didn't fit her, didn't fit him. They were Cain and Pleasant, and that was the way it was. That wouldn't change, and they were both happy with it.

Valkyrie let out a shaky breath, then pulled her new husband in for another kiss, curling her gloved fingers into the false hair on his head and pressing herself against him. The priest cleared his throat again, louder this time, but they both ignored him.

'Oi!' shouted Ghastly from somewhere in the procession. 'Save it for the honeymoon!'

There was some laughter, and then finally, Valkyrie stepped back from Skulduggery and grinned as he extended his hands toward her. 'Speaking of,' he said, raising an eyebrow. 'There's a plane waiting for us.'

'I'd be more excited about that if I knew where that plane was taking us,' she said lightly as he led her back down the aisle, away from the altar and the disapproving priest, away from the catcalls and cheers and happy faces of their guests.

It had been a quick affair, with time-wasting kept to a minimum and no time spared for boring speeches, and Valkyrie was somewhat relieved that the official part of it was over. Now it was time for the real fun. Somewhere abroad. Somewhere sunny, or maybe somewhere snowy, or maybe somewhere similar to Ireland. She didn't know, and didn't particularly care, as long as she was with her new husband on their honeymoon.

It was weird even as a thought. But it was happening. She, Valkyrie Cain, was now married to Skulduggery Pleasant, and here they were, about to go on their honeymoon. It made her smile. It made her happy.

And she had a sneaking suspicion that it made Skulduggery happy, too- although the big oaf would never admit to being romantic or mushy or anything similar, and he certainly wasn't the best at showing his emotions, Valkyrie knew that, right now, he was the happiest skeleton on earth. Which wasn't saying much, considering that he was the only skeleton on earth, but still.

'Skulduggery?'

'Yes, dearest wife?'

Valkyrie grinned. 'I love you.'

Skulduggery looked at her with a gentle expression on his face. Valkyrie was expecting a gush of affection, or at least a return of the sentiment, but the damned skeleton only smiled and said, 'Honestly? I don't blame you.'

Valkyrie scowled and slapped at his shoulder, while he only laughed and threw an arm around her shoulder, pulling her to his side- exactly where she belonged.

At least, if nothing else, the marriage was going to be a fun one.


	4. Feelings Part I

She honestly had no idea why he was so upset with her.

Honestly, no clue. Valkyrie shook her head to herself and gazed out the window of the Bentley. All morning, Skulduggery had said barely a word to her, and when he had, he'd been short and frosty with her. What had she done wrong? She couldn't remember doing... well, anything to upset him, and it was driving her mad.

She looked over at him, to where he sat, stoic, behind the steering wheel of the car. 'So, where is Erskine sending us this time?' she asked, a smidgen of hopefulness in her voice.

He didn't even look at her. 'To your uncle's house,' he replied. 'You're meeting Tanith there, then I'm going back to meet with Ghastly and Erskine.'

'Okay,' she said slowly. 'What for?'

'_You_ are doing research into the case. _I_ am examining the bodies of the victims.'

'Why couldn't I do that with you?'

'Because last time you did, you threw up in the corner of the room.'

Valkyrie pursed her lips together into a straight line. 'That wasn't my fault. He'd been bloody _ripped apart_, it's not my fault.'

Skulduggery made a slight noise of disbelief, then went straight back to ignoring her for the rest of the journey. When they finally- after the longest drive Valkyrie had possibly ever experienced- pulled up outside her Uncle Gordon's house and he gestured for her to get out, she paused just as her hand gripped the door handle, and looked back at her mentor.

'Skulduggery, have I done something wrong?'

'Something wrong? Like what?' he asked, sounding genuinely confused all of a sudden. 'What?'

'You've been... well, you've been being a total tosser to me all morning, and I have no idea why. So, tell me: have I upset you at all?'

He didn't answer; he merely stared at her with those empty eye sockets of his, until his silence made Valkyrie want to scream and slap him across the face he didn't have.

'Skulduggery... whatever I said, whatever I _did_, I... I didn't mean it, Skul. I just... I just want you back.' Valkyrie finished this small speech with a deep exhale and a slight nod of her head, then she proceeded to stare expectantly at Skulduggery, widening her eyes ever so slightly and jutting her lower lip out.

Skulduggery was, again, silent for a moment or two. Then, just as she was about to give up and just get out of the car, he spoke. 'Valkyrie, did you just quote Take That?'

She frowned at him, then her eyes widened even further when she realised that yes, she had just quoted a love ballad by Take That. She looked at Skulduggery and groaned quietly. 'I, er- yeah, I think I did.'

He tilted his head to the side. 'Valkyrie, are you feeling quite all right?'

'Look, Skulduggery, just- just- tell me why you're being so cold towards me,' she ordered, ignoring the fact that, after all of this, Skulduggery would never let her live that little lapse in speech-making skills down.

'Cold?' He sounded even more confused. 'I'm afraid I've no idea what you're talking about, Valkyrie.'

'Yes, you do,' she said, scowling. 'Of course you do. You've barely spoken to me all morning.'

'We're having a full conversation right now.'

'You ignored me for almost the whole car journey.'

'I was focusing on driving.'

'For god's sake, Skulduggery!' she exclaimed, exasperated. 'Just tell me what I'm doing wrong!'

'You're not doing anything wrong,' he said, a frown in his voice. Then he sighed. 'It's not-'

'Don't you dare.'

'Excuse me?'

'Don't you dare say that line.'

'What line?'

'_That_ line. The_ it's not you, it's me_ line.'

'I wasn't going to,' Skulduggery replied. He looked at her for a moment, then asked pointedly, 'May I continue?' She nodded gloomily, and he went on, 'It's not that you've done something wrong, Valkyrie. It's just that I...' He trailed off and shook his head. 'I'm not feeling my best this morning.'

'What, are you ill?' she questioned, frowning. 'Can skeletons even _get_ ill? Can you? I don't think you can. You're not ill, then- what's wrong?'

He shook his head again, putting his hands back on the steering wheel. 'It's nothing. I'm fine. I apologize if I upset you. Now, go on- Tanith will be waiting for you.'

Valkyrie stared at him for a moment or two before looking away and nodding wordlessly, slamming the door to the Bentley with perhaps a little more force than was necessary. He drove off immediately, and Valkyrie was left standing in the wind, staring after the car in its wake.

_I wish you'd just say that you love me,_ she thought sullenly, before pulling her coat tighter around her in the cold and turning to where Tanith was stood outside the house, waving enthusiastically.

* * *

'Someone's gloomy this morning,' Ghastly said teasingly as Skulduggery slammed the door of the Bentley shut. The skeleton ignored his friend, simply striding past him towards the Sanctuary. 'It's Valkyrie, isn't it?' Elder Bespoke asked, now sounding sympathetic. 'You still haven't told her.'

'Ghastly?'

'Yeah?'

'Shut up.'

Ghastly shook his head, easily matching Skulduggery's quick pace. 'You ought to just tell her, you know. I know tension when I see it, and that's what was definitely what there was between you two when you were here earlier on.'

'She thinks she's upset me,' Skulduggery murmured, adjusting his scarf around his neck as she cold seeped through to his unfeeling old bones.

'That's because you've been ignoring her for the past four hours,' Ghastly pointed out, only to be ignored. _Irony_, his mind sang, and he sighed. 'This is because of what I said to you last night, isn't it? Look, Skulduggery- I didn't _mean_ it when I said your feelings for her were obvious. You didn't have to go and act so bloody coldly towards her, just because you're feeling self-conscious.'

'I never feel self-conscious.'

'Clearly.' Ghastly rolled her eyes. 'Just man up and tell her, will you? That's the new goal I'm setting for you- you have to grow a backbone, a metaphorical one of course, and tell Valkyrie Cain that you're in love with her.'

'I'll tell her,' Skulduggery said evenly. 'Eventually.'

'Well, you'd better hurry up,' Ghastly said. 'She's a great girl, and if you don't tell her, then someone else will, and you won't get another chance.'

Skulduggery paused contemplatively, then said in agreement, 'She _is_ great, isn't she?'

Ghastly rolled his eyes again. 'Honestly, you're like a love-sick teenager,' he muttered, before clapping his friend on the back as they reached the Sanctuary entrance. 'Just tell her,' he said, before stepping into the Sanctuary and leaving a thoughtful Skulduggery Pleasant behind to catch up for himself.


	5. Feelings Part II

**Chapter 6- Feelings, Part II.**

'Find anything?' The voice came from behind Valkyrie, but she didn't turn around. She kept her eyes fixed on the book that Gordon had told her to look at and gave a murmur. 'That's not an answer,' Skulduggery said, and she heard him start walking towards her.

'It is an answer,' she retorted, glancing back at him at last. 'It was a no.'

'It was more of a grunt.'

'I don't _grunt_,' she said, frowning. 'I'm too pretty to grunt. I... I murmur.'

Skulduggery nodded. 'That you are,' he said, and he reached out to take the book from her. She pulled it out of his reach with a raised eyebrow, and he sighed, withdrawing his hand. 'Are you still angry at me?'

'I was never angry at you,' she said evenly, looking back down at the book and turning the page. 'I was merely curious as to why _you _were angry with _me_.'

'But I wasn't angry with you. I'm rarely angry with you.'

'_Rarely _is not _never_.' She hesitated, then handed the book over. 'Actually, I think I did find something. Gordon said in some of his notes that the kind of murder we're looking at could only be committed by a Necromancer.'

'We'd already gathered that, Valkyrie.'

'Yeah,' she said, annoyed. 'I know. But...' she trailed off, then made an annoyed sound. 'Since when had we already gathered that?' she demanded.

'Well, I gathered it, while you were here.'

'I thought I was going to get praise for working it out. I was feeling really clever.'

'You can still feel clever, if you wish,' Skulduggery said, a smile behind his skull. 'Where's Tanith?'

'She's on the couch in the other room,' Valkyrie replied, rolling her eyes. 'Reading one of Gordon's books.'

'Ah.'

Valkyrie looked away. A few seconds of silence passed, and then she cleared her throat and glanced up at him. 'So... are you going to tell me what was wrong with you before?'

'Probably not.'

'Ah,' she mimicked. More silence. She sighed and turned around, intending to go to find Tanith and spend another long while moaning about Skulduggery's strange mood, but then she felt a bony hand wrapping around her arm, and she whirled, surprised.

'Valkyrie, there's something I need to tell you,' Skulduggery said, and his voice was reluctant, as if it physically pained him to say the words.

She frowned. 'You can tell me anything- you know that. What is it?'

'I...' he trailed off, shook his head, and Valkyrie found herself feeling more surprised. Skulduggery rarely struggled in speaking.

'You can tell me anything,' she repeated, her voice soft now.

Skulduggery looked at her for a long while, a _long _while, and then his hands were cupping her face and his teeth were pressed against her lips, and she wasn't quite sure how to react. So she stood there, blinking rapidly, for a good moment or two, until she felt Skulduggery pulling away... and she realised that she didn't want him to. She really, really didn't want him to.

She flung her arms around his neck, pushing herself closer to him and letting her lips come to rest on his teeth. She felt his arms reach up and dip below the collar of his shirt, but she gently stopped him. 'No,' she murmured, looking up into his eye sockets. 'No façade. No false face. Not today, Skulduggery.'

He seemed happy to oblige. 'In case you haven't realised,' he said. 'This is what I wanted to tell you.'

'You couldn't have worded it better if you'd actually worded it,' she said with a smile, and she kissed him again, and again, until the sound of footsteps approaching reached their ears, and they hastily jumped apart in time to see Tanith rounding the corner of one of the bookshelves. She had a sly, self-congratulatory grin on her face, and Valkyrie just knew what was coming next.

'How's the _research_ going, Val?' Tanith asked, and she sounded just as knowing as she looked.

'Fi-' Valkyrie stopped upon hearing how high her voice sounded and cleared her throat. 'Fine,' she said, trying to keep her voice even.

'Found anything... interesting?' Tanith pressed, looking between her and Skulduggery expectantly.

'Nothing that we didn't already know,' Skulduggery said smoothly, adjusting his tie from where Valkyrie had moved it out of place. Oops.

'Ah.' Tanith nodded. 'Hey, uh- you know those people, who think that they're being really quiet but they really, really aren't, and they're actually being ridiculously loud and obvious?'

Valkyrie didn't like where this was going. She kept her face nonchalant. 'Yeah?'

'You two are literally the embodiment of that type of person.' Tanith laughed and clapped her hands together. 'Oh, you couldn't have made it more obvious if you tried!'

Skulduggery and Valkyrie looked at each other, and Valkyrie shrugged. Oh, well. People would have had to find out eventually, right? There was no harm in Tanith knowing, or anyone else, for that matter.

Skulduggery, obviously, wasn't thinking the same thing. 'Don't tell anyone,' he warned Tanith, who merely grinned and waved her phone in the air. She didn't need to say _too late_ to get the message across, but she did anyway, and Skulduggery groaned. 'Ghastly's going to have a field day with this,' he murmured unhappily, and Valkyrie laughed.


	6. Proposal

**Day One- Wedding**

"You may now kiss the bride." Valkyrie smiled as she watched Ghastly, wearing the biggest smile she had ever seen him wear, slowly lowered his head to Tanith's. Then she let out a laugh as Tanith, who had obviously been impatient throughout the whole process of her own wedding, rolled her eyes impatiently and grabbed Ghastly by the collar, smushing her lips against his in a kiss that probably shouldn't have occurred in front of an audience that contained children.

Next to her, she felt Skulduggery's empty eye sockets shift to her, and she turned to meet his gaze with a smirk. "Feeling uncomfortable?" she asked teasingly.

He made a disgruntled sound. "No."

She snickered. "Yes, you are. You hate seeing other people kiss."

"No, I don't." His defensive tone only served to amuse Valkyrie more. "I just, when sat next to a beautiful woman in a beautiful dress, feel like I should be the one doing the kissing."

The smirk on Valkyrie's face turned into a radiant smile. "I _do _look beautiful today, don't I? Even more than I normally do, I mean."

"I wasn't talking to you," was Skulduggery's ever-so-romantic reply, his stare still fixed firmly on Valkyrie. "I was talking about the other beautiful woman I'm sat next to."

Valkyrie frowned and peered over her partner's shoulder. She raised an eyebrow. "So you were talking about Fletcher's grandma?"

There came a slight hesitation before his answer. "Yes," he said. "Fletcher's grandmother is the one I want to be kissing." From next to him, the elderly lady threw him an uncomfortable look and shifted slightly away from him and closer to her grandson, who was eyeing Skulduggery as if he was insane.

Valkyrie's eyebrow lifted even higher on her forehead. "And not me."

"Not in the slightest," Skulduggery murmured.

"So you won't mind if I, say, reveal to you that I find Tanith's brother extremely attractive, and the only thing that has been stopping me from making a move on him all morning is the fact that I wanted to remain loyal to you?"

Skulduggery made a low, growling noise, but said, "Not at all."

Valkyrie grinned. "So I can go on a date with Tanith's extremely handsome, flesh-and-blood brother, and you won't mind a bit."

She laughed as she felt Skulduggery's bony hand slide around her waist and pull her closer to him. His skull moved close to her ear and he whispered, "Actually, I would mind. I'd mind a lot."

"I figured," she said smugly, planting a quick kiss on his cheekbone before looking back at Tanith and Ghastly. However, the couple had long since stopped kissing and were now staring at Skulduggery and Valkyrie. A quick glance around the room told Valkyrie that the attention of the entire audience was, in fact, directed towards the unconventional couple in the second row, and she smiled sheepishly. Perhaps they hadn't been as quiet as she'd thought they had.

**o-o-o-o-o**

Ghastly and Tanith's wedding reception was, to say the least, no simple affair. Chandeliers hung from the ceiling, and the tables were draped in fancily embroidered cloths that Valkyrie was pretty sure had Tanith and Ghastly's faces sewn into them. Once she'd gotten over how blatantly creepy that was in itself, she went on to survey the rest of the room- the flowers that adorned every corner, the ribbons and banners hanging from the ceiling, the lights that, aided by magic, floated around the room and occasionally arranged themselves into patterns.

She let out a low whistle and glanced at Tanith. "You went all out on this, didn't you?"

Her blonde friend shook her head, beaming. "Nope," she said, sounding peculiarly happy about this. "Ghastly did. Isn't it great?"

"I thought you weren't big on fancy weddings," Valkyrie pointed out. "Too big a reminder of the huge commitment that you're making or something."

"That was before I had a fancy wedding," Tanith replied, before spotting Ghastly and giving Valkyrie a sly smile. "If you'll excuse me, I have to lure my new husband onto the dancefloor."

"Good luck with that," Valkyrie said, and then Tanith bounded away, and Valkyrie was left on her own for a grand total of four seconds before she felt a pair of familiar bony hands spin her around.

She smiled at Skulduggery when she came face-to-face with him. His hands stayed on her waist, and she moved hers to his shoulders as they swayed to the music together. "This is the first time we've danced at a wedding," she said. "Ever."

"What about Fletcher and Myra's wedding?"

"That," she said, "did _not _count as a dance."

"Why not?" Skulduggery asked, a frown in his velvety voice.

Valkyrie stared at him, not sure if he was being serious or not. After a moment, she said slowly, "Skulduggery, you threw me into the buffet table."

"That was technically still a dance, though."

"We danced for about two seconds, and then you _threw me into a table full of food_."

Skulduggery shrugged. "Better to have danced and been thrown into a table than never to have danced at all."

"Ugh." Valkyrie scrunched her face up. "Stop talking. Let me enjoy this one non-destructive moment with the man I love, okay?"

Skulduggery was quiet for a moment. Then he said, "So you love me?"

She cracked one eye open. "Had we not already established this?"

"I don't think you've ever said it aloud before- not seriously, anyway."

She looked at him and frowned. "Yes, I have. I'm sure I have. I-" She stopped, looked down in thought. "Oh, God, I haven't, have I? I've never actually, properly told you that I love you."

"Not until now, no."

"My bad." Her fingers travelled up the base of his skull until they reached his hat, of which she absently played with the brim as they danced together. "I do love you, you know."

"I'd figured."

"Just, you know, in case you were feeling insecure about it or something." She smirked suddenly. "Wouldn't want you to get all embarrassed again, would we? Because we both know what happens when you're embarrassed, Skulduggery."

"I'm never embarrassed," he said gruffly, looking away.

"Oh, yes, you are," she cooed. "The first time I kissed you. Remember?"

"Vaguely," he said hesitantly.

"You actually _stuttered_," she said, and her voice was proud and smug. "I can proudly say that I got the great skeleton detective, the mysterious and enigmatic Skulduggery Pleasant, so flustered that he stuttered."

"Stop talking about it."

"And remember the time you blushed?" she said musingly. "You had your façade on, and I told you that I was going to-"

She was cut off suddenly when Skulduggery dipped her, so low that her hair brushed the ground, his face inches from hers. "I said stop talking about it," Skulduggery said smoothly, before bringing them back to their vertical positions.

Valkyrie grinned, slightly breathless. "I have blackmail material on you."

"I have blackmail material on you," he countered. "Unlimited amounts of it, actually. Considering how clever and pretty you are, you're a remarkably anecdotally-embarrassing young woman."

Her smile dropped and she glowered. "Shut up." She reached her hand underneath the collar of his incredibly sharp tuxedo and tapped her finger gently against the symbols etched into the bone, letting it linger for a moment or two before pulling out again. A face, fresh and new and surprisingly handsome, flowed over Skulduggery's impassive skull, and Valkyrie smiled her most sultry smile at him before leaning in to give him a kiss.

When she pulled back, she saw that he had a curious expression on his face, and she frowned. "Skulduggery," she said. "Why do you look like you're trying to hold back wind?"

He suddenly burst into laughter, peels of dark chuckles. "Your face," he said, sounding very amused indeed. "What just happened to your face?"

She glared. "What do you mean, what happened to my face?"

"That- that _face _you pulled-"

"It was a smile," she snapped. "You know, a sexy smile. Are you laughing at my sexy smile?"

Clearly, he was. Insulted, she stepped away from him, but then an idea formed in her mind. Her eyes narrowed as she rougly grabbed him by the lapels of his suit and pulled him in for another kiss, an intimate kiss, the kind that Skulduggery always refused to display in public. His laughter cut off as soon as her lips met his, and he made a small noise of dissent before sinking into the passionate embrace, his arms going around her and his new lips moving with hers.

Valkyrie made sure to muss up his hair and put his tux in a state of disarray before pulling back and smiling victoriously, tremendously happy to see that the cheeks of his façade were now tinged a startling shade of pink, and his eyes were wide and fixed on her. There came a wolf-whistle from nearby, and she could hear the sound of Dexter Vex's infectious laughter, as well as the laughter of many others. Skulduggery cleared his throat and fixed her with a glare before tapping the façade tattoo again, letting his blushing face retract into the gleaming skull Valkyrie was used to seeing on him.

"What," she said to him when he remained silent. "Cat got your tongue? Or, rather, have _I _got your tongue?"

Skulduggery growled and, quite suddenly, dropped down to the floor... on one knee. Valkyrie frowned. "Skul," she said as he pulled something, a small box, out of his pocket. She sounded nervous, even to her own ears. "This looks suspiciously like you're about to-"

"Valkyrie Cain," he said, looking up at her. "Will you marry me?" To her surprise, he wasted no time with his usual theatrics- he simply got straight to the point, holding her gaze with his, waiting patiently for her answer.

She opened her mouth and spluttered, looked around at the crowd that had gathered around them, felt her throat tighten and her heart start to beat faster. "I- what?"

There was laughter. "I want you to marry me, Valkyrie," Skulduggery said. He sounded deadly serious- no joking, no teasing.

Marriage- with _Skulduggery_, of all people.

Valkyrie couldn't think of a more exciting adventure.

"Sure," she said, and she was positive that the smile she was wearing was going to split her face in half. "Why not?" There was applause, a few whistles from the crowd, and then Valkyrie was pulling Skulduggery up to his feet and hugging him fiercely, ignoring the thick lump in her throat. "I swear," she whispered into his spine. "If that turns out to just be an attempt to one-up me after that kiss, I will _end _you, skeleton."

Skulduggery laughed. "No," he said. "I want you to be my wife, Valkyrie."

"Because you love me?"

"Because I love you."

She grinned and planted a kiss on his jaw. "I love you, too, you big softie."

He tilted his head to the side. "Softie? I am no such thing."

She snorted. "Yes, you are. You just blushed. You just _proposed. _You're a big old softie. You're like a cookie- tough on the outside, but all warm and gooey and sweet on the inside."

"I'm not gooey. I don't even have insides. Don't ruin the moment."

"Oh, please," she said, beaming. "This moment could never be ruined. It's perfect. I just got engaged- to _you_. This moment may well go down in _history._"

"Let's hope not," Skulduggery replied, sounding repelled by the idea.

"Did I already tell you that I love you?" Valkyrie asked, looking at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes. Twice now."

"Well, let me say it again," she said. "Skulduggery Pleasant, I love you. I am so in love with you that I will put up with your terrible jokes and overly-inflated ego, and I will even put up with you placing the Bentley's importance over mine and meditating through important events such as my our anniversary. And I love you so much that I've just agreed to be your wife, even though that would mean moving in with you and having to put up with you _constantly, _instead of just _sometimes_. Because I'm great, and because you're great, and because without you, my life would just be this empty _thing_ with hardly any excitement, and I can't bear to think about what would have happened to me if I hadn't have threatened to stand on your hat when I was twelve years old. I love you, Skulduggery. And I always will."

Skulduggery was quiet for a moment, and then he said, "I'm sure I can top that."

She laughed. "Have fun trying."

He said, "Valkyrie Cain, I love you because you are the one person in the world who understands me, and, as you said, puts up with all of my wonderful personality aspects. You are also the one person in the world whose importance I would actually place _above _the Bentley's, because beautiful cars are replaceable, but adoring little followers such as you are not. If I didn't have you, I'd be leading a dull and meaningless existence, because you, for lack of a better phrase, complete me, Valkyrie. You are the only person I could ever imagine loving, and I do. I do love you, Valkyrie. Always."

Silence. Then, "That was beautiful."

"Wasn't it?"

"No, really," she said, embarrassed to feel hot tears pricking at her eyes. "Skulduggery, that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me."

"It's true," he murmured, lifting a gloved hand and letting it rest tenderly against her cheek. "And I think I won."

She frowned. "What?"

"My speech was better than yours."

"It wasn't a competition," she said with a scowl.

"But if it was, I'd have won it."

She laughed, then, a genuine laugh. "Yes," she said, nodding. "You would have. But hush. It was a nice moment. Let's keep it that way."

And so they did- and they spent much of the rest of the evening in each other's arms, twirling around the dance floor and enjoying each other's company, all the while thinking about how, very soon, they'd be doing this all over again, except with Valkyrie as the one in the bridal gown. The thought made her smile, and though he'd never admit it, not in so many words, she knew that it made Skulduggery happy, too. And how could it not? It was going to be an adventure, shared by both of them, together, and it was going to be fun.

Valkyrie grinned. Yeah- fun. That was certainly a word for it.

**A/N: My contribution to Valduggery Week on Tumblr. Figured I may as well post it here, since I haven't updated in a while. You can think of it as a prequel to the wedding chapter of this fic, if you want. Hope you liked. **


	7. Necklace

Skulduggery grumbled to himself as he tossed the box of chocolates back onto the shelf, not caring that it knocked over several other boxes in the process. Chocolates just didn't seem special enough, not for an eighteenth birthday, and certainly not for the ever-so-fabulous Valkyrie Cain. For about the twelfth time that day, he cursed her for being such a difficult person to buy presents for.

What _would _she like? Every time he asked her, her answer was something along the lines of, "You should _know _this by now, Skulduggery."

He sighed and scanned the shelves. He supposed that the local supermarket probably wasn't the best place to start looking for a special birthday present, anyway. He exited the shop swiftly, his façade glancing around to check that she didn't happen to be out shopping with Tanith on this fine day, and then he reached into the pocket of his typically exquisite suit and called Ghastly.

When the Elder answered, the first thing he did was sigh down the phone and say, "Skulduggery, I swear to God, if you're calling about Valkyrie's present-"

"I'm not," Skulduggery interrupted, keeping the defensive tone out of his voice.

"Then what? What is it? As you take such pleasure in reminding me, I'm an Elder now, and I'm a busy man. I have duties to attend to."

"Like what?"

There was a hesitation. "Well, right now, there's a life-threatening game of poker that me and Erskine are being held at gun point to play. Madame Mist isn't happy about it, but we're selfless and important, and we're willing to sacrifice her happiness for the good of the world. And of course, our own entertainment."

Skulduggery chuckled. "Then I won't keep you for too long, Elder Bespoke."

"Damn right you won't," Ghastly replied, then paused. "What was it you were calling about, anyway?"

"Valkyrie's present."

Ghastly groaned.

Skulduggery continued smoothly, "I have no idea what to buy for her, and I have to buy her something, or she's likely to tear me apart with her bare hands."

"Well, what did you get her last year?"

"A mug."

Another pause. "A mug?"

"A mug."

"You got her a _mug_? For her seventeenth birthday, you got her a _mug_?"

"She likes mugs," Skulduggery replied, and this time, he couldn't keep the defensiveness out of his voice. "She drinks from them a lot. And it was a nice mug."

"A _mug, _Skulduggery. Dear God." Ghastly sighed. "And the year before that?"

Skulduggery hesitated. "A stick."

"... A _stick_?"

"Don't start this again. I've already been told off for it, by Her Majesty herself. And she _did_ ask for a stick. How was I supposed to know she was joking?"

"I always thought you were _good _at buying presents, Skulduggery," Ghastly said, a frown in his voice. "What happened?"

"It's Valkyrie. She's difficult to buy for. Whenever I buy her something thoughtful, she makes a face. Whenever I buy her something amusing, she says it's a terrible gift. Whenever I buy her nothing, she refuses to talk to me. I just can't win."

"Why not buy her something... I don't know, cool?"

"_Cool_?"

"Well, I don't know," Ghastly snapped. "What do eighteen year old girls like these days? What kind of things is she interested in? Would she like, I don't know..." He faltered. "A doll, or something?"

"If I got a doll, she'd beat me to death with it."

"That would be unfortunate," Ghastly said. "I'd hate for her to get arrested for murder on her birthday."

"Just give me advice, Bespoke," Skulduggery said lowly, eyeing the shops as he passed them. The flashy sign of a fancy jeweller's caught his eye, and before Ghastly could reply, Skulduggery said, "What about jewellry?"

There was a pause. "Actually," Ghastly said slowly. "That wouldn't be such a bad idea."

"Do you think she'd find it slightly... odd, to be given jewellry by a four hundred year old skeleton?"

"Maybe," Ghastly admitted. "But she'd definitely appreciate it. I think. Erskine, what do you think of Skulduggery buying Valkyrie some jewellry?" Skulduggery heard Erskine's distant reply, a fuzz of words that he couldn't string into a sentence, and then Ghastly's voice could be heard again, saying in an annoyed tone, "No, not like a wedding ring. Like... I don't know, like a necklace or something." Erskine spoke again. "Well, how should I bloody well know? I doubt he'd get her something like- no, Erskine. Fine, forget I said anything. Just stop talking. I don't care if you're the Grand Mage, I'll slice your throat with these playing cards in a minute." Another voice could be heard then, and Ghastly said, sounding more angry than ever, "No, Tipstaff, that was not a serious threat."

Skulduggery merely listened, amused, as the drama unfolded, and while he did so, he scanned the rows of pretty necklaces and bracelets that were on display in glass cases. Some pretty items, but nothing particularly eye catching. Nothing that Valkyrie would love.

Then something _did _catch his eye; a delicate silver chain, holding a rather stunning pendant that depicted two dragons forming the shape of a heart, with a beautiful white-speckled Gilson Opal gripped in the centre. It was an expertly fashioned piece, and... well, Valkyrie _had _been disappointed upon finding out that dragons didn't really exist...

Skulduggery hesitated. Yes, he thought Valkyrie would like it, but then... he'd also thought that she'd like the mug, and the stick. Well, he thought that she'd laugh at them, at least.

The buzz of Ghastly, Erskine and Tipstaff's argument focused into actual words as Skulduggery returned his attention to them. He cleared his throat, and heard Ghastly say, "Look, Tipstaff, when I _actually _threaten the life of the Grand Mage, trust me, you'll know. Skulduggery Pleasant is waiting on the other end of this call. Yes, it's a serious matter." A pause, then nervous laughter. "A birthday present? No, you heard wrong, it's not about that at all, my good man. It's about... no, yeah, it's about a birthday present. Valkyrie Cain's birthday present. Tell me, do you really want to get in the way of that?" Ghastly sounded smug. "Didn't think so."

Skulduggery sighed.

Ghastly said, "Skulduggery. Sorry about that. Did you find anything for her?"

"A necklace," Skulduggery replied. "I'm sure she'd like it."

"It's not..." There was an almost audible shudder from Ghastly. "It's not _tacky, _is it?"

"God, no. I do remember the time Fletcher bought her the plastic ring for her fifteenth. I do know what happens when you buy cheap jewellry for Valkyrie Cain."

"That was the one time I actually felt sorry for that boy," Ghastly said, sounding sad. "His hair was never the same after that. Sometimes, when I close my eyes, I can picture the look on his face when he found out that she'd turned his hair blue, and it breaks my heart."

"You laughed for days."

"Sometimes you just have to laugh at tragedy. It's the only way to get yourself through the, you know, tragedy of it. Anyway, sure, get Valkyrie the necklace. I'm sure she'll appreciate it a lot more than a stick or a mug."

"Hopefully," Skulduggery murmured in agreement, and he hung up, and ten minutes later, he walked out of the shop with the beautiful dragon necklace wrapped prettily up in a small velvet box.

**o-o-o-o-o**

"Happy birthday," he greeted her when she met him by the pier. He'd promised her the day off for her birthday, and the brand new eighteen year old Valkyrie who met him was wearing a pretty red dress that just above her knees.

"Thanks," she said, grinning. Then she looked down at herself and said, "I feel silly."

"You look wonderful," he assured her. From what he'd been told, her entire family- annoying aunts and begrudging uncles included- had decided to throw a tastefully lavish event for her eighteenth birthday. She'd spent the last two days complaining about it endlessly, but he knew that secretly, she was pleased to have this small element of pleasant normalcy to her life.

She rolled her eyes at him. "Well, duh," she said, and then she grinned again. "So, where's my present?"

"Are you not even going to bother with basic formalities this year?"

"Nope," she said, looking excited. "Ghastly told me you'd actually gotten me something good this year, and I want to see if it's true or not."

Damn him. "Remind me to hit Ghastly the next time I see him," Skulduggery muttered, and he hesitated for only a moment before pulling the small box out of his pocket.

At the sight of it, Valkyrie's eyes widened almost comically, and he realised for the first time how suspiciously like a wedding proposal this looked. So, instead of presenting her the gift with the enchanting and charming speech he'd been intending to give, he simply thrust the box to her and said gruffly, "Enjoy."

Her eyes returned to her normal size and she frowned slightly as she accepted the box. "Skulduggery, what the hell is-" She broke off when she opened the box, however, and saw the dragon necklace that lay inside. Skulduggery was sure that he saw her breath catch in her throat, and when she looked up at him again, her eyes had returned to being ridiculously wide. "Oh, my God," she said simply.

Skulduggery tilted his head to the side. "Is that a positive reaction, or a negative one?"

"Oh, my _God_," she repeated, and before he knew what was happening, her arms were around his neck and she was hugging him with a ferocity that had him staggering back a few paces. He grunted with the impact and laughed, returning the hug. "It's beautiful," she said quietly into his collarbone.

_Thank God for that. Looks like I'll be keeping all of my bones intact this year. _"You're welcome," he simply said, patting her back gently. "Happy birthday, Valkyrie."

She pulled away, grinning. "You are _such _a goon. Do you know that?"

"Excuse me?"

She laughed, then put on a scowling face and said, in a very deep voice, "_Here you go._" She laughed again. "God. You're worse than my dad."

"Please don't compare me to your father."

She only laughed more. "_Ghastly _was less embarrassed to give me his present than you were!"

"I wasn't embarrassed," he stated grumpily, crossing his arms and looking away.

She looked at him, and suddenly, her laughter had taken on a whole new level. "And now you're sulking!" she exclaimed between peels of delight.

He sighed and waited for her to finished, though inwardly, he was smiling, too. It was nice to see Valkyrie looking so happy. She'd seemed particularly unhappy lately, with the threat of Darquesse looming over her head and getting closer by the day, so it was a very pleasant change to see her laughing and joking, even if her amusement was derived from making fun of him.

She wiped a few tears of mirth from her eyes. "Thanks, Skulduggery," she said after a while, beaming at him. "You're the best."

He cocked his head to the side. "I thought we'd already established this."

Playfully, she rolled her eyes, then quickly leaned in to give him a peck on the cheek. He felt her lips press against his cheekbone and froze, remaining in his stiff position even as she bounded away, back to the house and to her family.

After a few moment, he lifted his gloved hand to his skull, his fingers lightly grazing the spot where she'd kissed him. Then he shook himself, disgruntled and feeling awfully like a teenage boy with a silly crush, and started to walk back to the Bentley.

He was just thankful that Ghastly and Erskine hadn't seen that. They'd never have let him live it down.


End file.
